Prince Harry's butt is back in the news- but this time, it's in danger. And we don't mean the wrath of the Queen or the voracity of the celebrity media; the Taliban has claimed publicly that it will do everything in its power to destroy Prince Harry, third in the line to the British throne.
The Taliban has probably chosen Prince Harry as a symbol of the occupying Western forces and his recent Vegas escapade photos have probably only fuelled the notion of Western excess and lack of morals. Even without the symbolism, Prince Harry is a well-known public figure in the media, a highly recognizable target, should he get hit. It would be a media field day if they were successful.
It begs the question whether or not someone as high profile as Prince Harry should even be involved in a secret military mission. He's been pulled from duty before for this reason, stating that his presence actually created a greater danger for his comrades. While the military is committed to protecting, as best as they can, all of its soldiers, and Harry is a professional within it, it's hard to believe that this isn't a similar case.
On the other hand, the whole situation is somewhat baffling. Yes, there is symbolism in taking down a crown prince from the United Kingdom, a symbol of enduring monarchy, but let's face it, Prince Harry is better known as a celebrity. He's a bad boy known for partying it up, while his clean as a thistle older brother is known as the heir, while he jokingly refers to himself as the spare. His life of extreme privilege and hard partying is not that far off from the Kanye Wests of the world. Could it be that the Taliban needs media?
What should be a political threat actually looks more like a publicity stunt. It's like the Taliban is playing for air time, regardless of how it comes. This is the kind of news that could show up on OMG and TMZ in addition to CNN and Fox News. Maybe the Taliban understands that the worst of the infidels watch and follow those shows. Perhaps this is just a logical expansion of their *target* demographic. *pun so intended.
Maybe the Taliban is coming of age. Maybe their next step is a Twitter account. Can't you just see it? Tell me you haven't thought of it. Deny that you're thinking about it right now. And you would Follow it, wouldn't you?
Or else...
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Way We Iz- Part 3
This is part of a 3 part series on why the present is better- in some ways. It follows up the previous 3 part series on why the past is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That’s democracy.
ME!
Selfishness is a double-edged sword, but it does have its advantages, the least of which is the fact that it's better for you. Seriously, being selfish at the right time is not only a good thing for the person directly involved, it is actually better for the whole of society.
This might sound like a line straight from the conservative mouth, but backtracking a bit on the C word, let's consider the context of how selfishness helps. In the past, we've been taught to be the kind of people we should be and not necessarily the kind of person we are. On the whole, this has meant obedient, diligent, careful, conformist and nice. Nice hasn't always gotten us very far. Nice has made us follow our parents career paths instead of our own, marry the person who everyone else likes, buy the house in the up and coming neighbourhood that is still a bit rough on the edges and be decent, law-abiding upstanding (yawn!)- citizens.
This kind of nice happens to a lot of people, without them even knowing it. But a bit of selfish can pull people out of these life situations once the person is brave enough to stop and ask themselves: What do I want? and then finding out what needs to be done to get that.
Now, selfishness has taken off recently as a concept and is probably on the verge of disastrous as far as the next generation is concerned. This is not the kind of dialogue that you should be having with a five year old child who wants to constantly express their desire for ice cream. Selfishness is the right of the grown adult individual who has taken the time to consider their dreams and knows themselves to the extent where happiness and self-fulfillment are possible.
It's become completely normal for people to talk about 'me' time. It's that precious hour or so a day (depending on if they can get it!) where a person can do as they please. In a life that is constrained by obligations and responsibilities like work and bills, that 'me' time is precious and some experts even claim it's essential for our mental health. It can be as simple as taking a bath, a walk or a few minutes of silence with a glass of wine. The growing acceptance of the importance and value of me time is a sure testament to how far we've come in letting ourselves be a little selfish to make us better. Because a lot of people don't like the foul-tempered, impatient version of 'me' and a lot less are willing to become the bitter, unfulfilled version of 'me' that less inward people might have become.
Letting ourselves be a little bit selfish when our happiness is at stake is part of how we make ourselves and our world a bit better. And remember that I said 'a little' and that I put it in the context of self-fulfillment and happiness, not a desire for material things or the trampling of others in the pursuit of material wealth. Even though it can be a good thing, this is definitely a case of less is more.
ME!
Selfishness is a double-edged sword, but it does have its advantages, the least of which is the fact that it's better for you. Seriously, being selfish at the right time is not only a good thing for the person directly involved, it is actually better for the whole of society.
This might sound like a line straight from the conservative mouth, but backtracking a bit on the C word, let's consider the context of how selfishness helps. In the past, we've been taught to be the kind of people we should be and not necessarily the kind of person we are. On the whole, this has meant obedient, diligent, careful, conformist and nice. Nice hasn't always gotten us very far. Nice has made us follow our parents career paths instead of our own, marry the person who everyone else likes, buy the house in the up and coming neighbourhood that is still a bit rough on the edges and be decent, law-abiding upstanding (yawn!)- citizens.
This kind of nice happens to a lot of people, without them even knowing it. But a bit of selfish can pull people out of these life situations once the person is brave enough to stop and ask themselves: What do I want? and then finding out what needs to be done to get that.
Now, selfishness has taken off recently as a concept and is probably on the verge of disastrous as far as the next generation is concerned. This is not the kind of dialogue that you should be having with a five year old child who wants to constantly express their desire for ice cream. Selfishness is the right of the grown adult individual who has taken the time to consider their dreams and knows themselves to the extent where happiness and self-fulfillment are possible.
It's become completely normal for people to talk about 'me' time. It's that precious hour or so a day (depending on if they can get it!) where a person can do as they please. In a life that is constrained by obligations and responsibilities like work and bills, that 'me' time is precious and some experts even claim it's essential for our mental health. It can be as simple as taking a bath, a walk or a few minutes of silence with a glass of wine. The growing acceptance of the importance and value of me time is a sure testament to how far we've come in letting ourselves be a little selfish to make us better. Because a lot of people don't like the foul-tempered, impatient version of 'me' and a lot less are willing to become the bitter, unfulfilled version of 'me' that less inward people might have become.
Letting ourselves be a little bit selfish when our happiness is at stake is part of how we make ourselves and our world a bit better. And remember that I said 'a little' and that I put it in the context of self-fulfillment and happiness, not a desire for material things or the trampling of others in the pursuit of material wealth. Even though it can be a good thing, this is definitely a case of less is more.
The Way We Iz- Part 2
This is part of a 3 part series on why the present is better- in some ways. It follows up the previous 3 part series on why the past is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That’s democracy.
Rainbows
Tolerance. It was a long time coming and many will argue that it's not quite here yet. Others will be quick to tell you that we're losing it, with more and more people falling by way of the dark age. But the very fact that we consider intolerant times the dark age, and the very fact that it worries us as a society, is a good thing. It shows that we care and that we truly value it, and that kind of vigilance means that we're not likely to lose it.
In North America, there would have been a time not that long ago when the sight of homosexuals would have caused violence, moral outrage and ridicule. Indeed, we would not even have seen or heard of it for the most part. It was invisible, this so-called problem of homosexuality. The only times it was made visible to us was when something terrible happened, like a homosexual youth being beaten to death. It took a long time for anyone to even talk about it. But now, people are not only talking about it, they're celebrating it.
For some, it's possible to not only be open about their homosexuality, it has also become possible to live a full life like anyone else, free to marry who they choose and even to have kids. Gone is this ridiculous notion of a lifestyle choice where members of the homosexual community are seen as outsiders who don't have a desire for family and love. And it's not just homosexuals; transgendered people are also coming to the fore and being accepted for who they are and not how they were born.
It's a beautiful thing to see happy same sex couples with their children, living their dreams, full of love, part of their communities. Yes, it's true that they've become the topic of debate in the US elections and not everyone is quite as free as they could be across the continent. But they're no longer strange or invisible, even if they continue to divide people on the moral spectrum. And quite a few people in the educated populace believe that it's backwards to be opposed to them, which is an achievement in itself.
The hardest thing to change in life, and indeed, the last thing to change in humans, is attitudes towards something. The tide has changed largely in favour of rights and acceptance of same sex couples, something which would have been unthinkable not so long ago. Tolerance is progressive and we can only grow by it. Another great reason why this is a good time to be in, especially if you're homosexual, bisexual or transgendered.
Rainbows
Tolerance. It was a long time coming and many will argue that it's not quite here yet. Others will be quick to tell you that we're losing it, with more and more people falling by way of the dark age. But the very fact that we consider intolerant times the dark age, and the very fact that it worries us as a society, is a good thing. It shows that we care and that we truly value it, and that kind of vigilance means that we're not likely to lose it.
In North America, there would have been a time not that long ago when the sight of homosexuals would have caused violence, moral outrage and ridicule. Indeed, we would not even have seen or heard of it for the most part. It was invisible, this so-called problem of homosexuality. The only times it was made visible to us was when something terrible happened, like a homosexual youth being beaten to death. It took a long time for anyone to even talk about it. But now, people are not only talking about it, they're celebrating it.
For some, it's possible to not only be open about their homosexuality, it has also become possible to live a full life like anyone else, free to marry who they choose and even to have kids. Gone is this ridiculous notion of a lifestyle choice where members of the homosexual community are seen as outsiders who don't have a desire for family and love. And it's not just homosexuals; transgendered people are also coming to the fore and being accepted for who they are and not how they were born.
It's a beautiful thing to see happy same sex couples with their children, living their dreams, full of love, part of their communities. Yes, it's true that they've become the topic of debate in the US elections and not everyone is quite as free as they could be across the continent. But they're no longer strange or invisible, even if they continue to divide people on the moral spectrum. And quite a few people in the educated populace believe that it's backwards to be opposed to them, which is an achievement in itself.
The hardest thing to change in life, and indeed, the last thing to change in humans, is attitudes towards something. The tide has changed largely in favour of rights and acceptance of same sex couples, something which would have been unthinkable not so long ago. Tolerance is progressive and we can only grow by it. Another great reason why this is a good time to be in, especially if you're homosexual, bisexual or transgendered.
The Way We Iz- Part 1
This is part of a 3 part series on why the present is better- in some ways. It follows up the previous 3 part series on why the past is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That’s democracy.
The World is Small
It was once believed that the world is flat. For the most part, people now know this not to be true. But one thing the world has become is a whole lot smaller.
There has never been a time in human history where travel, reaching out and existing virtually in almost every part of the globe at the same time has been possible. Back when cartographers were still figuring out what they thought was our flat planet, there would be vast sections with nothing on it, or pictures of dragons to show the mystery and possible magic of places unknown. Unfortunately, there aren't quite so many dragon maps as there used to be and even less unknown places. But it's fairly easy to get around.
We are incredibly fortunate to live in a time when travel is not just for the jet-setting half alcoholic businessmen who wear fedoras. Now, almost anyone with a middle income or the internet is capable of scoring a seat to travel somewhere in the world that once existed as just a dream. Maybe it's a country that they saw in a documentary or a National Geographic special, or maybe romantic movies in sun-soaked wine valleys; either way, travel, while still a dream for many, is closer to being a reality than it ever was.
Consider the strenuous voyages across the sea that one would have had to take not even a hundred years ago to get to new lands. Between the seasickness, homesickness and general monotony of a week spent on a ship, not to mention some pretty serious cabin fever, ship travel wasn't exactly a cruise. People were lucky to make it to their destination alive in some cases and there was always the fear that a major storm would make it a much shorter trip than anyone bargained for.
Would anyone in that seafaring age have believed us if we told them that now, almost anyone with a summer job in America can travel by plane to the place of their dreams? And it's not just travel which is making the world smaller. An online presence, social networking and virtual business is making it possible for people to connect all over the world, instantaneously. Now it's not uncommon to meet young people who have friends on every continent. And it's even more likely that as they get older, they will travel to meet those friends, or relocate a few times in their lives for work and life experiences. It's also very likely that they will meet the love of their lives while on the road- and maybe face some challenging decisions.
This is a world of possibilities that we are fortunate to have. In our lifetime, if we make world travel our priority, we can scale Mount Kilimanjaro, ride a camel in the desert towards the pyramids, barter for goods in Lebanon, visit the holy land of Jerusalem, surf in Australia and so much more. It's truly a small world.
The World is Small
It was once believed that the world is flat. For the most part, people now know this not to be true. But one thing the world has become is a whole lot smaller.
There has never been a time in human history where travel, reaching out and existing virtually in almost every part of the globe at the same time has been possible. Back when cartographers were still figuring out what they thought was our flat planet, there would be vast sections with nothing on it, or pictures of dragons to show the mystery and possible magic of places unknown. Unfortunately, there aren't quite so many dragon maps as there used to be and even less unknown places. But it's fairly easy to get around.
We are incredibly fortunate to live in a time when travel is not just for the jet-setting half alcoholic businessmen who wear fedoras. Now, almost anyone with a middle income or the internet is capable of scoring a seat to travel somewhere in the world that once existed as just a dream. Maybe it's a country that they saw in a documentary or a National Geographic special, or maybe romantic movies in sun-soaked wine valleys; either way, travel, while still a dream for many, is closer to being a reality than it ever was.
Consider the strenuous voyages across the sea that one would have had to take not even a hundred years ago to get to new lands. Between the seasickness, homesickness and general monotony of a week spent on a ship, not to mention some pretty serious cabin fever, ship travel wasn't exactly a cruise. People were lucky to make it to their destination alive in some cases and there was always the fear that a major storm would make it a much shorter trip than anyone bargained for.
Would anyone in that seafaring age have believed us if we told them that now, almost anyone with a summer job in America can travel by plane to the place of their dreams? And it's not just travel which is making the world smaller. An online presence, social networking and virtual business is making it possible for people to connect all over the world, instantaneously. Now it's not uncommon to meet young people who have friends on every continent. And it's even more likely that as they get older, they will travel to meet those friends, or relocate a few times in their lives for work and life experiences. It's also very likely that they will meet the love of their lives while on the road- and maybe face some challenging decisions.
This is a world of possibilities that we are fortunate to have. In our lifetime, if we make world travel our priority, we can scale Mount Kilimanjaro, ride a camel in the desert towards the pyramids, barter for goods in Lebanon, visit the holy land of Jerusalem, surf in Australia and so much more. It's truly a small world.
The Way It Wuz- part 3
This is part of a 3 part series on why the past is better- in some ways. To be fair, it will be followed up by a 3 part series on why the present is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That's democracy.
Work For It
I love looking at old black and white photographs of grandparents back when they were young, standing proudly in front of their first home, their first car or cradling their first born child. There's something safe and simple about those photos, and they will always tell you that they didn't have much, but what they did have, they appreciated. Most of them moved into their first home with barely a stick of furniture, wrapping up towels and drinking root beer on overturned crates. They worked a lifetime to fill the house with furniture, photos, decorations and love. And they were proud of it.
Nobody expected to come into their adult life equipped with a fully furnished house, a new car, a barbecue and pool for friends. They would have laughed at the notion. Limited access to credit meant that everything had to be earned, slowly, over a period of time and if there simply wasn't enough for two things, then you had to choose one. Nobody was ashamed to have their friends over because their couch was old or their dining room set was only for 4 people instead of 6. And nobody was expected to live on the cover of a magazine in the perfect house with a gourmet kitchen.
This is not to say that the previous generation wanted less than the current one; it's just that they expected less. And they didn't expect to have it all overnight. They worked for everything and did it over time, often doing overtime to get what they wanted.
Now people are killing themselves to get the things that they believe they have to have, taking out loans, putting things on credit, living way beyond their means. Guess what middle class- nobody has ever died by not having a dining room set in the dining room. Your neighbours aren't judging you for the state of your couch- they're probably too busy thinking about their own couch. It's really not all that bad.
A lot of people still work hard, it's their expectations that should be kept in check. They should expect to work years to have a home full of wonderful things like their parents had, they should expect to have to make choices with their money and maybe forego a few vacations instead of running into debt. And they should set a good example for the kids as well.
It was not that long ago that kids would dream of Christmas all year round so that they could finally get that one toy they desperately wanted, being extra good in December, brushing their teeth without being told and not fighting with their brother. But now, you can barely see the bottom of the Christmas tree which is literally buried in piles of presents which are forgotten as quickly as they're opened in favour of yet more presents.
The old saying 'a penny saved is a penny earned'is meant to show the value of self-restraint when it comes to finances. But the more important lesson is that the things we work for are the things that we truly appreciate.
Work For It
I love looking at old black and white photographs of grandparents back when they were young, standing proudly in front of their first home, their first car or cradling their first born child. There's something safe and simple about those photos, and they will always tell you that they didn't have much, but what they did have, they appreciated. Most of them moved into their first home with barely a stick of furniture, wrapping up towels and drinking root beer on overturned crates. They worked a lifetime to fill the house with furniture, photos, decorations and love. And they were proud of it.
Nobody expected to come into their adult life equipped with a fully furnished house, a new car, a barbecue and pool for friends. They would have laughed at the notion. Limited access to credit meant that everything had to be earned, slowly, over a period of time and if there simply wasn't enough for two things, then you had to choose one. Nobody was ashamed to have their friends over because their couch was old or their dining room set was only for 4 people instead of 6. And nobody was expected to live on the cover of a magazine in the perfect house with a gourmet kitchen.
This is not to say that the previous generation wanted less than the current one; it's just that they expected less. And they didn't expect to have it all overnight. They worked for everything and did it over time, often doing overtime to get what they wanted.
Now people are killing themselves to get the things that they believe they have to have, taking out loans, putting things on credit, living way beyond their means. Guess what middle class- nobody has ever died by not having a dining room set in the dining room. Your neighbours aren't judging you for the state of your couch- they're probably too busy thinking about their own couch. It's really not all that bad.
A lot of people still work hard, it's their expectations that should be kept in check. They should expect to work years to have a home full of wonderful things like their parents had, they should expect to have to make choices with their money and maybe forego a few vacations instead of running into debt. And they should set a good example for the kids as well.
It was not that long ago that kids would dream of Christmas all year round so that they could finally get that one toy they desperately wanted, being extra good in December, brushing their teeth without being told and not fighting with their brother. But now, you can barely see the bottom of the Christmas tree which is literally buried in piles of presents which are forgotten as quickly as they're opened in favour of yet more presents.
The old saying 'a penny saved is a penny earned'is meant to show the value of self-restraint when it comes to finances. But the more important lesson is that the things we work for are the things that we truly appreciate.
The Way it Wuz- part 2
This is part of a 3 part series on why the past is better- in some ways. To be fair, it will be followed up by a 3 part series on why the present is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That's democracy.
Community
Community is not a word that you hear much these days, unless it's used in the religious or suburban context. But it is something that we all need to survive. Humans were not made to live alone; indeed, it would be almost impossible for the species to survive that way, given that we need not just contact, but help. If you stop to think about who you would call if you had an accident at home or fell terribly ill, who comes to mind? It's usually family and rightly so. The sharing of genes is a good prerequisite for help, part of the preservation of the species. But what about those people who aren't lucky enough to have family, or those who don't have them nearby? This is where community comes in.
In the past, people could rely on religious communities, people from their church, to help them out. Floods of neighbours came over, armed with pies and casseroles when someone fell seriously ill or lost a family member. Some people now have community groups located in their neighbourhoods, not linked by religion, but geographical proximity and shared lifestyles. But outside of that, there's less and less community in the western world, and even, within it.
It's natural to think of family in a crisis, but maybe it's time to expand on that, if possible. More and more people don't have the luxury of staying all in one place, surrounded by family and other support units. These other support units actually need to exist in real neighbourhoods. It's time to bring back the concept of the good neighbour, the neighbourhood watch, the welcome wagon. Neighbours need to be more than that awkward hello at the mail box while you flip through your junk mail pamphlets. People need to actually get involved with each other, help each other and get involved in a type of community.
With the rise in condo living, less and less people are feeling attached to their neighbourhoods. Indeed, when these groups get together, it's often because there's a problem. The first time that I met my own neighbours in my condo building, it wasn't at a reception over food and drink; it was a town hall style meeting where we discussed vandalism on our common areas. Needless to say, it wasn't quite the meet and greet with the neighbours that I was expecting.
It's probably time we took an interest in one another, and not the creepy, staring into each other's windows with binoculars kind. We should reach out, talk and get to know each other and not stare directly ahead at the elevator buttons in silence when we meet. We won't have the communities of the church groups of yesteryear, but at least we'll exist in the eyes of our neighbours.
Community
Community is not a word that you hear much these days, unless it's used in the religious or suburban context. But it is something that we all need to survive. Humans were not made to live alone; indeed, it would be almost impossible for the species to survive that way, given that we need not just contact, but help. If you stop to think about who you would call if you had an accident at home or fell terribly ill, who comes to mind? It's usually family and rightly so. The sharing of genes is a good prerequisite for help, part of the preservation of the species. But what about those people who aren't lucky enough to have family, or those who don't have them nearby? This is where community comes in.
In the past, people could rely on religious communities, people from their church, to help them out. Floods of neighbours came over, armed with pies and casseroles when someone fell seriously ill or lost a family member. Some people now have community groups located in their neighbourhoods, not linked by religion, but geographical proximity and shared lifestyles. But outside of that, there's less and less community in the western world, and even, within it.
It's natural to think of family in a crisis, but maybe it's time to expand on that, if possible. More and more people don't have the luxury of staying all in one place, surrounded by family and other support units. These other support units actually need to exist in real neighbourhoods. It's time to bring back the concept of the good neighbour, the neighbourhood watch, the welcome wagon. Neighbours need to be more than that awkward hello at the mail box while you flip through your junk mail pamphlets. People need to actually get involved with each other, help each other and get involved in a type of community.
With the rise in condo living, less and less people are feeling attached to their neighbourhoods. Indeed, when these groups get together, it's often because there's a problem. The first time that I met my own neighbours in my condo building, it wasn't at a reception over food and drink; it was a town hall style meeting where we discussed vandalism on our common areas. Needless to say, it wasn't quite the meet and greet with the neighbours that I was expecting.
It's probably time we took an interest in one another, and not the creepy, staring into each other's windows with binoculars kind. We should reach out, talk and get to know each other and not stare directly ahead at the elevator buttons in silence when we meet. We won't have the communities of the church groups of yesteryear, but at least we'll exist in the eyes of our neighbours.
The Way it Wuz- Part 1
This is part of a 3 part series on why the past is better- in some ways. To be fair, it will be followed up by a 3 part series on why the present is better- just to keep it equally confusing for all. That's democracy.
Marriage
I attended a funeral today for a lovely lady who passed away in her eighties who had been married to the love of her life for over 60 years. They had been together even longer; her beloved husband stated to me at the wake that his only regret was not having proposed sooner to his lady love. The priest at the Church stated that this was the kind of marriage we could barely imagine given the times these days and he was absolutely right. While we still joke about the old ball and chain today, most marriages are starting to look more like cell phone contracts, full of features, defects and limited terms.
The famous 7 year itch has now been reduced by experts to 3 years and some countries have introduced 'trial' marriages, where a couple is wed for 2 years and is then allowed to separate without the inconvenience of a divorce (the union type is only recognized for 2-3 years, or in terms set out by the individuals- convenient.) 1 in 5 relationships start online, as do 1 in 5 affairs (ahem- figures are so similar, could there possibly be a correlation?) Official divorce rates are holding steady at 1 in 4, but none of us would be surprised to see that number jump right up.
Coincidentally, as more marriages fall apart, the wedding industry continues to rake it in, becoming a billion dollar juggernaut. Could it be that people are taking weddings more seriously than the institution of marriage? That, instead of going to couples counselling to figure out how they'll deal with family and money, instead of taking marriage courses like those offered for free by most churches, could it be that couples are spending more time picking out linens and colour coordinating napkins to silverware than actually considering how their future will be?
It strikes me as no surprise that the long-lasting couples from yesteryear are the ones who didn't have extravagant parties or huge gowns to celebrate their union. They were grounded, more often than not, having a ceremony in someone's basement and having friends bring over food. Part of it was a sign of the times; they simply couldn't afford an over the top party, but there was also no expectation that the simple fact of committing themselves to each other should turn into a pageant.
Let's face it; pageants are distracting. They steal attention away from the more important matters, like what the couple expects for their future, how they plan to overcome adversity, what would happen if there was a crisis, what their values are and how they align. A wedding lasts a day, but a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and no amount of balloons or bonbons is going to make up for a couple who doesn't talk things through beforehand.
All you really need for a wedding to happen is two people in love, an officiant or religious leader, a piece of paper and a witness. It's not more complicated than that. A wedding can be a great occasion to celebrate with friends and family, but it's far from the most important thing.
This is not to rain on the wedding parade. People are entitled to have the kind of day they've always dreamed about and there's no problem with mixing a little fantasy in there or even a bit of extravagance. But people should consider that when they get engaged, the most important thing to remember is that it's an honour to be asked to share a person's life with them and they should do it because they can't imagine their future without them, not because it's the right time in life or because the ring is huge. And when it's time to plan a wedding, they should keep in mind that a wedding only requires love and consent, not the 3 ring triple tiered circus it has become.
In the past, marriage is forever and weddings are simple. I hope a handful of people in the world get to have that kind of love.
The post is dedicated to Lois and Bill Boucher, two halves of a whole, married for 61 years and only separated by her death.
Marriage
I attended a funeral today for a lovely lady who passed away in her eighties who had been married to the love of her life for over 60 years. They had been together even longer; her beloved husband stated to me at the wake that his only regret was not having proposed sooner to his lady love. The priest at the Church stated that this was the kind of marriage we could barely imagine given the times these days and he was absolutely right. While we still joke about the old ball and chain today, most marriages are starting to look more like cell phone contracts, full of features, defects and limited terms.
The famous 7 year itch has now been reduced by experts to 3 years and some countries have introduced 'trial' marriages, where a couple is wed for 2 years and is then allowed to separate without the inconvenience of a divorce (the union type is only recognized for 2-3 years, or in terms set out by the individuals- convenient.) 1 in 5 relationships start online, as do 1 in 5 affairs (ahem- figures are so similar, could there possibly be a correlation?) Official divorce rates are holding steady at 1 in 4, but none of us would be surprised to see that number jump right up.
Coincidentally, as more marriages fall apart, the wedding industry continues to rake it in, becoming a billion dollar juggernaut. Could it be that people are taking weddings more seriously than the institution of marriage? That, instead of going to couples counselling to figure out how they'll deal with family and money, instead of taking marriage courses like those offered for free by most churches, could it be that couples are spending more time picking out linens and colour coordinating napkins to silverware than actually considering how their future will be?
It strikes me as no surprise that the long-lasting couples from yesteryear are the ones who didn't have extravagant parties or huge gowns to celebrate their union. They were grounded, more often than not, having a ceremony in someone's basement and having friends bring over food. Part of it was a sign of the times; they simply couldn't afford an over the top party, but there was also no expectation that the simple fact of committing themselves to each other should turn into a pageant.
Let's face it; pageants are distracting. They steal attention away from the more important matters, like what the couple expects for their future, how they plan to overcome adversity, what would happen if there was a crisis, what their values are and how they align. A wedding lasts a day, but a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and no amount of balloons or bonbons is going to make up for a couple who doesn't talk things through beforehand.
All you really need for a wedding to happen is two people in love, an officiant or religious leader, a piece of paper and a witness. It's not more complicated than that. A wedding can be a great occasion to celebrate with friends and family, but it's far from the most important thing.
This is not to rain on the wedding parade. People are entitled to have the kind of day they've always dreamed about and there's no problem with mixing a little fantasy in there or even a bit of extravagance. But people should consider that when they get engaged, the most important thing to remember is that it's an honour to be asked to share a person's life with them and they should do it because they can't imagine their future without them, not because it's the right time in life or because the ring is huge. And when it's time to plan a wedding, they should keep in mind that a wedding only requires love and consent, not the 3 ring triple tiered circus it has become.
In the past, marriage is forever and weddings are simple. I hope a handful of people in the world get to have that kind of love.
The post is dedicated to Lois and Bill Boucher, two halves of a whole, married for 61 years and only separated by her death.
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