The Struggle for Independence

I think I finally know how parents with teenagers feel.

The Quebec provincial elections will take place in a matter of days, and the media is overripe with editorials, opinions, commentaries, letters to the editor and a whole lot of controversy, on both sides of the debate. There has been an undercurrent of Us vs Them with Quebec and Canada taking distinct sides and exchanging accusations of being portrayed unfairly.

The French media accuses the English media of downplaying the real issues or focusing on the stories that make them look like 'rednecks' or racists. The English media questions the relevance of Quebec politics to Canada and vice versa; some wonder whether or not the debate should really take place, while yet other members of the English media appear to be pleading the case for Canada, asking that the country not be torn apart by language or culture.

And yet, instead of a rich ideological debate about history, culture and identity, all I can think about is how parents feel when they're faced with a strong-willed teenager, angrily demanding their independence when they're not even eligible to apply for their own car insurance.

Think of it like this: you have a beautiful child with a mind of their own. They have distinct opinions and a fiery temperment. You love them for those qualities; it's part of what makes them unique, part of what makes them who they are. And yet these same qualities cause all the rifts between you, the fights that often result in slamming of doors and breaking down into tears. They want to leave, but they don't have the means. You don't have the heart to let them go and you don't want them to undergo hardship when they do.

Then one day, they turn around and demand that you give them everything they need to live on their own. They want the car, the couch, the tv, a few months rent, whatever was put into their education or savings funds for the future. They also don't want you to be involved in any of the decisions they will now be making for their future, even though you will continue to indirectly fund them.

As the parent, you're aghast. You don't know where all this comes from. There's the emotional turmoil of being cut out of your child's life, the bewilderment at the anger directed at you after all you've done for them in their lifetime, the balking at the sudden entitlement for this young person to continue to live at your expense as if you're a chequing acount. You debate, you reason, you cajole, you cry. The demands remain the same.

And it goes on. The door slamming, the tears, the frustration, the demands, the inability to understand each other once more. After awhile, the argument gets stale. It's always the same. You don't want to have it anymore. You're tired. You just want to go to bed.

Then one day, you wake up and it's over. You're through fighting. You come to a final compromise and your child finally leaves, maybe with a few concessions, maybe fewer than they wanted. As they leave, you're filled with a sense of concern, muted by the fact that you must respect the choices of others, that you must trust them to find their own way in life. You know that you will always be there for them, if they fall on hard times, if they come back because they've run out of money or need to do laundry.

Perhaps you don't believe that they will make it out there, but it no longer matters, because choices have been made. The child also leaves with a feeling of relief, free to become their own person, but knowing in their heart that this home is where they will come back, if things should go terribly wrong.

It's with this feeling that I watch the Quebec debate unfold. Editorials have stated that Canada is not relevant to Quebec. Perhaps the feeling is more mutual than I would have ever thought. I'm still concerned about Quebec and love what they bring to Canadian culture (poutine, the Habs, French style, joie de vivre). I would be sad to see them leave. But independence is an issue that has risen to the forefront and is not going away anytime soon. Maybe it's finally time to cut the cord.

Today In News- August 30, 2012

Here's a rundown on some of the great headlines/ stories of today, as found on various sources:

1-Yahoo- Bizarre two-faced cat has Web divided- 'some are wondering if it's too good to be true.' Yes, because when I woke up this morning, I said to myself, please God, please, just let the world have a two-faced cat. It's all I wish for.

2- Puck Daddy Original- 'Massive Ideological Hurdle' in NHL Labour talks- what are Bettman and Fehr doing, debating the existence of God? Your 'ideological hurdle' looks as complicated as the Jersey Shore series cancellation. Both sides want too much money. Pretty simple if you ask the rest of us.

3- Various sources and Twitter- Rob Ford's niece gives out useful tips for avoiding sexual assault to women, including not dressing like a whore. This kind of mentality from the era before women's rights should probably go by the wayside, like Ms. Ford's early career in lingerie football.

4- The sandwich celebrates its 250th birthday. Way to go sandwich!

5- Yahoo again- In India, a man opened up a clothing line named Hitler and has claimed that he didn't know who Hitler was until after his line was already launched. My guess is that all of his hate mail should be directed to his home address, which is probably 'under a rock somewhere.'

Attacking the Vulnerable

Toronto has been plagued this summer with a series of unfortunate incidents, ranging from shootings to random acts of unnecessary cruelty to its least fortunate citizens. The latest is a video which has been posted online that features young men urinating on a sleeping homeless man. It's not the first time that homeless people have been victims to street assaults by young people and it won't likely be the last; but the very fact that some have considered it acceptable to film these acts and then post them online for entertainment is sickening and shameful.

When did we think it was okay to behave in such a shameless manner towards the least fortunate in our society? When did we think it was okay to immortalize these base acts and post them online for other peoples benefit? When did we suddenly get interested in watching them online?

It is true that society will be judged by how it treats its most vulnerable people. The homeless are easy targets. They have very little recourse to protection and their lives are daily struggles for existence. Many of them have mental health issues which our health care system has been unable or unwilling to effectively treat; others are addicts with no rehabilitative programs to turn to. Society has already failed them once; it continues to do so when they're ill-treated for no good reason in public.

It may be too much to ask for compassion or help from the general public. But surely these people deserve basic respect and civility? Why should others feel entitled to treat them as animals or objects of ridicule in the street? Have we regressed so severely as a society that we need to be taught, once again, how to treat each other humanely?

It's probably no good to suggest that people who witness these acts should help or intervene. They will likely also be made victims by ignorant, vile bullies who enjoy the suffering of others. Hate and fear are strong. Doing the right thing always seems to have consequences that doing the wrong things do not.

There are days that test my faith in humankind. This is one of them.

Cuddly Capitalism

A 29-year-old New York woman has opened up a 'snuggery' in her home, a place where clients can come snuggle her for $60 an hour. Jackie Samuel states that science has proven the health benefits of non-sexual human contact and that she is prepared to offer a safe, relaxing environment where clients can come and snuggle with her, thereby filling a need in society for calm and affection.

The cynic in me wonders if this is more than just cuddly capitalism. Health benefits aside, is there not something odd about cuddling with a complete stranger and paying them? The picture that accompanies this story shows a young woman lying on a couch in a clean white linen shift dress that makes her look like she's recently escaped an Amish community. The look on her face is no doubt meant to be inviting and kind, but one can't help feeling a bit creeped out that she's snuggling lots of strangers for a living. A living that could be quite profitable at a staggering rate of $60 an hour.

Consider the fact that snuggling requires no special talent, no matter what kids say about mommy and daddy being the best snugglers in the universe. It really just requires arms. Perhaps the rate is so high because a willingness to invite strangers to one's homes and arms is a pretty big deal. So it sort of amounts to danger pay or general discomfort pay. Fair enough.

Which then makes us flip the question around: what would drive a person to PAY a person for this 'service'? Have we really come to the point in society where we're so starved for human contact and attention that we are willing to pay for it? People have been paying for the sexual kind for years. But basic comfort? Basic 'I've had a bad day' sort of syndrome? In the past, would we not have learned to just handle things? Stiff upper lip, rolling with the punches, all that stuff?

Let's consider some alternatives and their pros and cons:

A teddy bear. Pros: it's warm, soft, sometimes it comes with memories. Cons: it's not a person, but it's also not a stranger. Cost: probably around $50 and no hourly rate.

A massage. Pros: The health benefits of this one have also been proven and it's covered through most health insurance plans. Cons: it still sort of amounts to paying a stranger to touch you, but at least it's medical. Cost: $50-$100 an hour minus the creepiness factor.

A drink. Pros: it makes us all feel better as a general rule. We can do it with strangers and not feel creepy or get too close, although we may want to later on. Cons: unless you're an alcoholic, there really are none. Cost: a tab and a cab.

You can take from this what you like. But I'm not a doctor after all. Then again, neither is the woman who runs the 'Snuggery.'

No more Sexy Imports

New immigration laws in Canada have called for the immediate removal of temporary foreign workers linked to the sex trade. This move has been received with disdain from Tim Bambrinos, the president of the adult entertainment association of Canada, who claims that foreign-born strippers are being treated unfairly.

It's nice that foreign-born strippers with temporary foreign work visas are being supported by such a prestigious, upstanding individual. Especially when you consider how he speaks about them (taken from Yahoo!):

Begin quote exactly as found on website: "People who come to the clubs because they want to see something exotic. It's like when you go to the zoo you don't want to see the squirrels and the chipmunks and the raccoons fighting you want to see some exotic animals and that's the same demand here," he said. End quote.

Comparing the club with the zoo definitely makes you realize that you're dealing with a real classy joint that doesn't need domestic mongrels. Fair enough. Zoos simply aren't zoos without exotic creatures far removed from their hospitable natural climates who are trapped, drugged, transported and then caged. It doesn't matter that their fate is then to be pointed at or abused by oodles of oglers; it's what the zoo needs in order to be a profitable institution. And ultimately, the President of this association is defending their bottom line.

He furthers his point with this follow up statement:

Begin quote "It's entertainment...it's an attraction. People want to see in Canada something different, something exciting, something that's not indigenous to our area." End quote.

Yes, it's such a relief to know that we're putting the 'exotic' back into the term 'exotic dancer.' The true beauty of a multicultural society is equal opportunity for all races to bump and grind for audiences.

On a more serious note, however, he does express concern about the potential danger to these workers:

Begin quote "They're going to be lured underground. They're going to be more susceptible and driven into more precarious and dangerous situations." End quote.

That may be true, but this has been the reality for just about every category of temporary foreign worker in Canada. Many of them are living precariously and even dangerously, subject to abuse and threats. While the threat of this is very real, it's abundantly clear that women's rights are not the top of the agenda for this spokesperson; especially since he sees them as animals in a zoo.

Begin quote: Lambrinos insists the strippers aren't taking these changes lying down. End quote.

We're guessing that they won't. They will probably take it lying down, sitting up, and all sorts of ways.

Only The Charming Survive

It used to be that only the strong survive. But with shifting career dynamics and an increased tendency towards client service-oriented professions, it appears that the new skill to survive is not so much strength, but charm.

With the exception of the public service, job security is practically non-existent. In fact, it's not even desired by the new generation of workers; most young people want and expect to change jobs every 2-3 years, and in some cases, will also change cities. They are more virtual, more mobile and their focus is not security and wealth, but the elusive quality of happiness and loving what they do. Some look for more meaning, while others look for more fun, and others look for maximum mobility so that they can globetrot while picking up a paycheque instead of a back pack.

The good news is that they have plenty of options. The shift from robotic assembly line style professions means that there is more freedom to provide special services that a machine cannot; from the barista who sprinkles just the right amount of cinnamon into your dolce latte to the personal trainer who helps you get to the ideal weight, specialized client-service oriented professions are on the rise. The potential rewards include flexibility, adaptability and the all-important being your own boss.

The potential pitfalls? Low wages, no security, high risk, and potentially, crippling debt. But here's the difference maker: charm. The ability to sell yourself and be a true entrepreneur. The more that a person can talk themselves up and their skills, the bigger their potential revenue. While it's a well-known fact that people who present themselves better at interviews are more likely to get jobs, the charm factor can be the difference between wage slave and savvy businessperson. Smart use of social media and the old-fashioned recruiting in person can result in a far more lucrative and satisfying career than a 9 to 5 desk job.

While it's important to be able to actually deliver on the promised service, it appears that the promise is just as important now as the service itself. While parents used to tell their children to become doctors and lawyers, nowadays, more parents are telling their children to learn a trade so that they can't be fired. Trade school or law school, we should all add one more to the list: charm school. An old-fashioned meet and greet means a lot more than it used to and we should all be ready with a smile and some confidence.

I Hate Yoga

This is personal. Yes, I hate yoga. It's one of those things that I try to explain to people and somewhere in the process of doing so, I sputter with rage, at which point, the person listening usually stops in order to dismiss me as a nonsensical anti-inner peace doofus. So here goes my final attempt to clarify my position without the rage part.

First, yoga as a philosophy and yoga as we know it today are two very different things. The original yoga philosophy dates back millions of years ago with Buddhist monks in Nepal. It's the simplified notion known today as mind over matter, but its practice is much more complex and painful. The principle is that your mind and spirit should be able to overcome any and all outlying forces surrounding it, and through this practice, find inner peace outside of your physical self. This is the principle of walking over hot coals without feeling pain, staying warm in a snowstorm with no jacket, staying cold in sweltering heat with no shade. It's endurance. It's overcoming outside forces through inner strength and discipline. This philosophy accepts pain as a natural and powerful force and encourages pain to be a part of one's daily life.

This has absolutely nothing to do with stretching or pretending to be a tree. Stretching, breathing, tree-posing are all good for you in their own way. But they are not yoga. The yoga that we know today has been whittled down, simplified, and packaged as part of a lifestyle brand. This lifestyle brand doesn't come cheap; it requires expensive top of line ethical clothing, large expensive studios, and weekly commitments to classes, classes and more classes.

Yoga brands have managed to create a need in society. This need has been spurred on by the idea of our hectic lifestyles and how disconnected we are from ourselves and nature. This is a need that could be met by simply taking a walk outside with your cell phone turned off. It doesn't require studio space, an instructor, a fancy mat made of bamboo, $80 seaweed pants, soft music and organic tea. Finding the disconnect is a choice and it's a matter of not allowing society pressure you into thinking you need things you don't or that you need to live a life you don't want to live.

Perhaps the most ironic part of this is the fact that many yogies tend to believe that they are doing just that by taking up yoga: making a choice to disconnect and reconnect with their inner self. But by buying into the yoga lifestyle which has been marketed so well to the public, you are not living an alternative life, you are conforming to exactly what the brands want you to do. And it's a lucrative business. So lucrative, in fact, that yoga has celebrity endorsements and has been seen as a hallmark of an ideal, vibrant California cool lifestyle. And that's another source of my frustration with it.

This isn't to say that the quest for inner peace is silly or useless. This is just to say that the yoga brand is probably not the best vehicle for achieving it. If inner peace comes truly from within, turn everything off for a few hours and reflect quietly. You might be surprised at what comes to you. And it won't be seaweed pants.