Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Behave Canada

Canada's Prime Minister, Stephen Harper and his wife, have formally RSVP'd for the wedding of the century to take place in London this spring. Prince William and Kate Middleton have seen it fit to invite Canada's leader to this momentous occasion which includes the likes of the Queen and the Beckhams.

All we can say in Canada is: please behave, Mr. Harper. You represent us. Don't make us not look cool in front of the Beckhams. Don't try to impress the Brits with your rendition of the Beatles on the piano. Don't spoil our excellent international reputation by behaving like the drunk uncle and asking the Brits why they've never heard of this thing called ice hockey. Please. Just polish your shoes, put on your suit and place a placid smile on your face (not the big scary one, just the small one that you reserve for special state occasions like Christmas) and be nice to everyone. Say sorry for everything- even the things that you haven't done yet- and compliment all the ladies on their hats, even if they look like wire traps for beavers.

A royal wedding is a special occasion and there will literally be billions of people watching and rewatching it on television- most of us will be watching because we want to see Kate's dress, of course, so dignitaries and celebrities will all be secondary. Nevertheless, it's important that we maintain our reputation for being soft spoken, polite to a fault and slightly in awe of the country that colonized us. It's a simple request, we hope- although it wouldn't be the first time a simple request from the people to its government would be so hard to follow through on.

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