Friday, May 14, 2010

Do not Jog In the Outback

It's Friday, so I was perusing the internet for interesting stories, and came across this little gem that I couldn't resist:

Amorous Aussie roo has outback residents hopping

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An amorous kangaroo in the mood for love has female joggers hopping mad in the Honeymoon Ranges of Australia's outback Northern Territory, prompting a flood of angry calls to authorities.

Territory police said Friday they had received reports of the kangaroo stalking residents in the ranges near the township of Tennant Creek, including a woman on her morning walk.

"There was no doubt about what he wanted, the randy old thing," the woman told local papers. "I turned around and saw this big kangaroo behind me, so I hastened my steps," she said.

The woman said the obviously aroused animal bounded off when other walkers approached and she sought to escape.

Later that day a mother-of-three encountered the aroused kangaroo at a night-time speedway meeting, while a man said he challenged the intimidating macropod and came off second best, receiving a swift punch in response.

Northern Territory police told Reuters they were not pursuing the salacious mammal unless it continued to cause trouble.

It's hard to know where to begin with this article because it's hilarious on so many fronts. On the one hand, it's yet another deterrent to take a trip to the Outback, a land that we all know so well in Canada as being the place where everything can kill you and the place where Crocodile Dundee kills things. You don't have to worry only about getting poisoned or eaten by the spiders and crocodiles, but you ALSO have to worry about the crazy animal lust. And not the animal lust of their sexiest export Hugh Jackman, aka Wolverine, but of the hop along pouch sagging big eared mammals.

Another hilarious highlight has got to be the location of the so-called 'amorous attacks' which is appropriately named Honeymoon Ranges. That could make anyone feel romantic. How can you possibly blame this poor resident of Honeymoon Ranges from feeling the love? Maybe they should have called it Puke Mountain. Nothing good sounds like it will come from that.

Another great note: what exactly is a night-time speedway meeting? Maybe this is an Aussie thing that I couldn't possibly understand, but it sounds like a strange time to meet and a strange place to meet. I figure if you go to something that weird, you should expect something as unusual as an animal out for love.

Then there's the great concluding line at the end, where the police will only intervene if this continues to be a problem. I don't know if kangaroos have a mating season or if this is an anytime thing for an animal that just feels the mood a bit stronger than everyone else, but what makes them think that this will just go away?

But, to be fair to the police, what does the population honestly expect them to do? It's not like they can have a quiet sitdown with the animal and explain that its behavior is wrong. And it's not like they can arrest it. It's an animal, after all. Its whole life is about feeding and getting some. That's what Discovery taught us.

Maybe a tranquilizer dart is all it would take to settle this issue. Maybe they should just hire some guy to be on Roo Patrol near Honeymoon Ranges.

Someone call Crocodile Dundee.

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