Monday, May 24, 2010

The Thrisis Crisis

Is it possible to have a crisis about a crisis? Well, maybe not a full blown crisis, but maybe just a hissy fit works.

The thrisis is defined as that crisis which occurs when you turn 30 or are approaching 30 at an alarmingly despondent rate and realize that you're not happy with anything in your life. Most people in the past have experienced the mid-life crisis which occurs at 50 traditionally with the same amount of despondence and general unhappiness. Since people are not settling down the way that they used to, and taking longer to get educated and are no longer working the one career every day for the rest of their lives, the crisis and the questioning tends to happen earlier. 30 is a great milestone to take stock of one's life and ask yourself lots of important life questions in order to determine if you're on the right track or not. The problem seems to be that most of us find that we're not.

This is why turning 30, as momentous an occasion as it is, leads to depression and long sleepless nights of 'why? why? why?' Some people say that this is a good thing, because it often results in us making necessary changes to our lives or altering our course when we see that we're headed nowhere. But no doubt, it's a painful experience nonetheless.

My real beef with the thrisis? I know that I'm having one because I'm not a long way off. I also know that I'm having one because I'm not particularly feeling perky fabulous about my life and where I'm at. My real beef with the thrisis is the fact that a lot of the other people who are having it, really have no good reason to have it at all.

Everyone has the right to have their own little issues and quirkiness when it comes to their lives, the pet peeves, the questioning, etc. That's fine. But a lot of the people who are having their thrisis can easily see what they don't have, but not what they have.

Prime examples:

My boyfriend won't get around to proposing to me.

Really? That's such a pain. I don't have a boyfriend. I haven't had a date in months and hate everything about the dating scene and the last few single men that I met are gay. But poor you. You have no ring on your finger. Don't just be happy that you have someone at home waiting for you, who loves you, who comforts you, who makes your life worthwhile. Complain about the lack of jewelery and bonbons. That's keeping things in relativity.

I want to have a baby.

That's great. But you wonder why it isn't working when you put a ton of pressure on yourself and each other and use thermometers and organic aids and consult astrocharts to determine when the moon is aligned with the earth's radius, thereby creating the ideal circumstances for baby making.

Stressing out won't help your situation. The fact that you're two mature, healthy adults with a solid commitment who are making a life changing decision together to bring more love into your lives is already half the blessing. Just remember how many women would like to be in your situation, or who want children and can't, for various reasons.

Here's an idea: why don't you go with the traditional system of a bottle of wine and some Tom Jones? It will happen when it happens.

I want to buy a house.

Then buy it. This is not a life decision that is insurmountable if you're ready to do the research, make the commitment and invest the time and money in it. You may have to lower your standards and not go for the house with the fancy upgrades and all the bells and whistles. If you're not willing to do that, well, then reconsider why you want the house and what you're willing to sacrifice in order to get it. Instead of complaining that you don't have a designer home, either get used to renting upper class or make the sacrifices you need to get it. And be patient because it can take years. Don't believe me? Ask mom and dad what their first house looked like. Unless you come from money, I'm pretty sure it didn't have granite countertops.

I can't get a great job.

Keep looking. There's no easy solution to this. It can take the average person up to 6 months to replace a job if they lose it, whatever the circumstances may be. Different factors kick in here: education, the industry, the economy, the long time it takes to get established within an industry and jobs with low pay scales. You want a great job, you have to make use of your contacts and buff up your experience in any way that you can. If you can't get the experience through your job, you may need to do some extra or free stuff.

Depending on the job of choice that you're going after, you need to do your research, get a plan, make some contacts and probably suffer through some tough times of not knowing what the heck you're doing. This is hard in any period of your life, but the good news is that you can do it anytime. Unless you're attempting a supermodel career or something.

I want to go back to school.

Then go. Nobody cares if you're older than the 20 somethings who still have acne. As long as you choose a field that you truly love or that will pay serious dividends for your career advancement, you will not regret this decision. When it comes to education, this is a serious credential for advancement and there's no such thing as too much. It also lets you keep your options open for career change and most people want that.

Be happy that you live in a country where there are lots of choices for education, including distance education. Also be happy that there are lots of options for loans and bursaries.

I don't live where I want to live.

Then move. Yes, moving is inconvenient, hard work, a big adjustment and stressful. But if you get to where you want to be, it is so worth it. It's not a happy thing to live somewhere when you'd rather be somewhere else. If you want to live near the water, or you want to make the big move from country to city, then do it. Consider what you love, consider what makes you happy on a daily basis. Maybe the water is that important for you to work out and hang out in the sun. Maybe the city excites you. Make the move. Your friends and family will keep in touch and hopefully visit. Don't let any of that stuff hold you back.

Be happy with what you have if you already have a partner, a baby, a good job and a house. Be happy that you have choices if you don't have any of those things or if it turns out that you don't want any of them after all. It's never too late to change your course in life. No matter when it happens.

1 comment:

  1. hah. went through this (my quarter-life crisis) at 23, but didn't start to emerge until 27?

    Seems like a crisis hits us, on average, every ten years!