Monday, December 6, 2010

Stalkers Rejoice!

Online stalkers can now rejoice! Facebook is making it even simpler to find more and more information on its users and is now moving towards visuals. The latest changes will allow you to see where the person works, where they live and all of their latest pictures. The company's CEO claims that this will be a more real reflection of peoples' lives and a great opportunity for them to tell their stories, using visuals as the most popular tool.

Yes, because there's absolutely nothing creepy about Facebook's CEO or the fact that the company has seriously violated rights to privacy in the past. And there's nothing wrong with helping crazy exes and stalkers find the people that they are obsessed with or have been wronged by in the past.

It used to be that stalking was a long, exhaustive process that took months of calculating and learning to see through blinds without being conspicuous. Countless of old school stalkers had to perfect the art of impersonating people and plants alike, forging notes or cutting out all those tiny letters out of dozens of magazines so that they could send out death threats without having to learn how to forge.

Not to mention all those heavy breathing phone calls made from pay phones so that they couldn't be traced, which takes a lot of effort. I mean, you need to save quarters and then you have to find the payphone booths and then you have to make sure that it doesn't belong to some homeless dude and then you usually have to make the call at some ungodly hour in order for it be really creepy rather than just mid afternoon strange. And then you had to make sure that you found the right person in the phone book because you were never sure if you were actually calling the hardware store by mistake, in which case the guy who owns the store is generally more creepy than the person making the call, and it can all turn bust in such little time.

But all of the planning, the calculating and the investment into binoculars just doesn't have to happen anymore. Now you can stalk from the comfort and convenience of your own home. You can even do it wearing pyjamas. You can do it on the bus on your iphone. You could leave the country and still stalk safely from a distance and keep up to the second on the person that you're after. Stalking has never been easier. It is a golden age for stalking. Not to mention that Facebook allows you to stalk people you've never even met before, people who have never so much as waved at you in your life. The Internet opens up a world of possibilities.

Given all that information, how can you possibly be expected to make a sound decision on who to stalk? No fear. There are thousands of people online. You just have to pin down your motivation first. Revenge? Love/ Hate obsession? General hate at the world for being unfair? The choices are endless!

Oh, for a cabin in Walden.

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