Wednesday, August 10, 2011

President Bourne

Michael Moore is a smart man. But even smart people can say stupid things. When Moore recently expressed support for Hollywood actor Matt Damon to run for President in 2012, it made me cringe, on the one hand because I imagined all the backlash from the right wing pundits who are going to jump up and down like screaming monkeys and claim that he's a nutbar, but on the other hand, because they wouldn't be wrong on this one.

There are just so many things wrong with this idea. There are the simple logistics: Matt Damon has no experience, has never held an elected office or passed a bill of law, and as far as politician age goes, he's a toddler. Not exactly the right stuff to run for the highest political office in the country.

Then there are the issues that he's spoken out against, like standardized testing. Yes, standardized testing. Not health reform or foreign policy. Almost anyone with basic education will tell you that standardized testing is out-moded and generally useless when assessing the capacity of students.

It doesn't take a public administration degree to figure that out and it doesn't take a whole lot of courage to speak out against this particular issue. How is he going to fare when the issue turns to the Middle East, abortion, gun control or fiscal policy? Speaking out against testing for school children is one thing; speaking out on these vital and controversial issues is another.

This is not to say that he's not a nice guy who has principles and intelligence. It just takes a lot more than that to run a country.

Then there's the ridiculous side of this debate. Anyone who's seen the Bourne Trilogy is going to have images in their heads of Jason Bourne, US President, holding cabinet meetings and then drop kicking the policy advisors who don't agree with his ideas. I can just picture him doing crazy martial arts moves and yelling emphatically

"You-support-better-learning-for-students!" chopping with his wrist to emphasize each word.

Not to mention all the Team America fans gathering at political rallies to yell out Matt-Da-Mon! just for the sheer fun of it.

And you know who his first advisor is going to be when he's elected into office? His childhood best friend, of course, the acting-impaired Ben Affleck. His job would be to verbally break down any wayward pussy footing cabinet ministers that are wasting their time. I can just see him addressing the House:

"You f*!@ing pussies need to get your s$!t together. Not for your goddamn selves or your idiot electorate. You need to get your f*!@ing s$!t together for America! For America you motherf*!@ers! Don't you sit and look at me in that dumb ass way, you know bloody damn well what I'm talking about! You suits wouldn't have lasted a day in my hood! Boston yo! We would have run your sorry asses out of town on day one! Now are you going to vote or aren't you??? I don't got all day, assholes! I got other places to be and more people to kick around."

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