Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Anti-Octopus Songs

Paul, the octopus who has successfully predicted the winners of the World Cup, has died peacefully in his sleep in his aquarium in Germany. While this event has caused a stir in the sports world, resulting in everything from a Facebook memorial page to a 'written statement' issued by the deceased animal,the most hilarious passage from this news clip taken from yahoo.ca has to be the following:

"He then fell offside with bitter German fans who threatened to turn him into sushi after he correctly predicted a semi-final defeat for the Mannschaft against Spain.

Stung by Paul's "treachery", some sections of the 350,000-strong crowd watching the game on giant screens in Berlin sang anti-octopus songs."

Wow. Turning him into sushi. That's cold-blooded. There are no other words for it.

But then you have to ask the question: what is an anti-octopus song? What does it sound like? And how do you convince 350,000 people to sing them? And how can 350,000 people in the world know the same anti-octopus song? It's kind of a mind-boggling mystery like reindeer games. What the heck are those? What is Rudolph the red nosed reindeer missing out on? Is there some form of reindeer Wii that we don't know about?Or poker?

But back to the songs. What could they possibly be?

Oh, octopus, you are so slimy. You only have 7 tentacles. You have suction cups for brains.

Apart from the fact that it doesn't sound the least harmonious or sing-songish, it's also slightly ridiculous. I mean, what kind of fault can you find with an octopus that would sting so badly in song?

Oh, octopus, your predictions are so bad. You couldn't predict 6pm at 5pm.

That doesn't make sense either. Especially considering his incredible record.

Oh, octopus, you live in a tank, your mother stank, you're out of rank and one day you'll be calamari.

Even if that did work, I still have trouble picturing entire stadiums full of grown adult men singing that.

But then again, stranger things have happened.

I guess we'll all get a chance to learn anti-octopus songs when the next World Cup occurs in 2014 and Paul's successor is chosen. We'll see if he has the same uncanny abilities- or if he's delicious.

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